Mai's Journal
by HazardCat
Summary: This is a journal for a character I play on the League of Legends forums. When nothing is happening (since forum RP can be very slow), I like to write about stuff she's done. It's in a slightly more poetic style then the Borderlands story I'm working on.
1. Journal Entry 1

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this. This is a journal. It's not meant to be known by anyone ICly. It's purely an outlet for me to spill the thoughts Mai would be having in the form of a diary of sorts. So unless you somehow, with my permission, get a hold of this ICly, your character is 100% oblivious to its contents. Knowing it ICly is cheating.

Otherwise, I hope you like the read. It's purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

First you have no rhyme or reason.

_ No purpose_

_ Nothing to exploit_

Then it all changes, doesn't it? Everything shifts in rapid succession, and you find yourself face to face with intense obstacles. This is where I found myself. I saw a woman at the river. She didn't seem particularly threatening at first.

_ That was my mistake._

I boldly raised my staff and announced, "I'M A VOID MONSTER!" which nearly cost me my life. If not for another appearing, and taking the blow, I may have joined my family on the other side. Was it fate?

_ So cruel. _

_ So vicious._

It never occurred to me just how lucky I was until that moment.

Luck. I never thought much about it. Losing my family and being tortured for most of my teens doesn't really seem much like luck.

_ There's something vile stirring inside me._

Nothing would bring me as much joy as to learn who was responsible, and bring them to their knees. Take from them what they took from me. I never dedicated my life to exacting revenge, save for one time when it meant saving my own life. But even now the remnants of his experiments linger, and I'm stuck facing another obstacle despite fleeing.

_ Life is truly cruel, isn't it?_

Before I go any further, I'll remark on the Knight. A spectral knight is surely something unusual to see. He's the first I'd ever come upon, and the first to garner any level of intrigue from me. What was it he said? If he were still human, he would be filled with joy to return to his old town? Or something like that.

_ If I were still human – I'm not sure I am anymore._

The 'Ambassador' strikes me as intelligent, and courageous. I'm still not sure what to think of him. He has a purpose, which is obvious. But is it worth risking a ritual for?

_ Not everything is as it seems._

_ Not everyone is what they say._

_ Nobody can be trusted._


	2. Journal Entry 2

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this. This is a journal. It's not meant to be known by anyone ICly. It's purely an outlet for me to spill the thoughts Mai would be having in the form of a diary of sorts. So unless you somehow, with my permission, get a hold of this ICly, your character is 100% oblivious to its contents. Knowing it ICly is cheating.

Otherwise, I hope you like the read. It's purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

Sweet herb is one of life's little pleasures. It smells like some of the flowers in Ionia, and reminds me of their vibrant colors. I remember my Father use to bring a bundle of them back on ship. He said they always reminded him of my eyes while he was walking the land, and gathering supplies. Now the fragrance of this sweet herb is the one thing I hold closest to my heart as it brings back such fond memories of my childhood.

_It's the remnant of my sanity._

_ The desperate cling to my humanity._

I sat in a tree above a gathering of people, and tasted the sweet smoke as it rolled from my lips like a misty waterfall. The kisaru I held had intricate, golden designs creating something of a koi along its faded surface. The bowl itself is tiny. Its purpose wasn't meant to smoke great masses of the sweet herb, but have a taste of it once in a while. Much less habit forming – at least for some. Beneath me the gathering mentioned someone of interest. A monkey of all things! Someone named Wukong, the Monkey King. I couldn't help but wonder what this creature might be doing in these parts.

_Was that curiosity?_

_ My spirit whispered of it._

_ Something new and exciting perhaps. _

_ A nice change from lonely forests._

The ash was little more than the wind could easily carry, and fell victim to the air's gentle sway as it swept it off into the treetops. Wukong seemed like something worth looking into. What I found was not quite as I imagined. I imagined a stern, noble looking monkey with servants bringing him plates of foods from all over the world. Instead I found a curious and delightful man with powers that piqued my interest all the more. He seemed to glean a hint of interest in me as well, which drove me to discover more of what I could of him. It was easy to tell his soul was young, and his heart was well placed. Even in the presence of a threatening woman did he share his jovial self.

_It takes a true heart to face the disgrace of rage. _

_ A gentle soul to know how to tame a beast in any man, or woman._

I found I was captivated by his manner, but dare not share it too well as I tempted the creature with unfound discoveries. His intrigue will perhaps be my falling, but those green eyes I could gaze upon endlessly in search of all the things that create this Monkey King. You may be thinking I've fallen for him, but such interests do not lay in the discovery of unknown things. I'll reserve my judgment, and not let myself get carried away by the things that make him so wonderfully inspiring.


	3. Journal Entry 3

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this. This is a journal. It's not meant to be known by anyone ICly. It's purely an outlet for me to spill the thoughts Mai would be having in the form of a diary of sorts. So unless you somehow, with my permission, get a hold of this ICly, your character is 100% oblivious to its contents. Knowing it ICly is cheating.

Otherwise, I hope you like the read. It's purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

I'm not sure what could have possibly driven me into this hell hole. There is no light here, no feeling of peace and certainly nobody I'd want to meet even in the middle of a bright, sunny day. Yet here I am, and ahead of me appears to be the chambers of the monstrosity known as Urgot. An abomination of life, fueled by terrible magics that keep him animated to exact his revenge.

_How tragic._

_ Poor little man._

The sweet herb has lost its flavor beneath the putrid scent that fills the air. I can make out people coming and going, but not a single one entices me into wanting to get closer. Why _am_ I here? Was I driven mad with alcohol? Mystery? Excitement? I've completely lost my mind letting myself wander into a place as unholy as this.

_Noxus_

_ So much darkness_

_ The light is smothered by pain_

What was my reason for coming? Surely I must have had one, or I'd not be standing – no, I appear to be walking towards the chamber as if my legs had grown a mind of their own. What was this awful feeling in my gut? I shouldn't be doing this, yet I'm getting closer as if being drawn there by some unseen, evil beast luring me into a trap. I walk passed a Summoner as he leaves the monster's chambers, and find myself falling into the deep shadows surrounding what light seeped into it. There he was. Urgot. The one creature that would drive me into the darkness of hell just to flee. And here I was, staring, watching and pondering what questions I might ask.

_Skulking around _*wheeze*_ makes you seem to be a suspicious threat._

He heard me. He sensed me! How did he know I was here? I had to think quick. Be light on your feet, and quick with your tongue. Something my Father once told a crewman. He survived a lot of bad situations because of that advice.

_ Oh Papa.. I wish you were still here._

Why do I feel this sickening feeling suddenly gurgling up in my stomach? I wish I was back at the tree. Back away from this darkness, and with people who favor the light. But here I stand, with eyes locked upon something that truly, deeply terrifies the hell out of me. And he's watching me, beckoning me into the light. I refuse. I can't show him who I am. He'll hunt me down like an animal if he knows, and he learns of my purpose. He's answering my questions though, despite his suspicions. Oh shit, I've insulted him!

_He's threatening to kill you, Mai. _

_ He's locked the chamber doors. _

_ You'll die at his hands, I can smell it. _

_ He yearns to kill you like he had so many other Ionians._

SHUT UP! I can handle this. Just calm down, keep your distance and don't let him sense your fear. He's grown angry with me. But I've managed to calm his rage. My parents were masterful with their deceptive words. Perhaps it runs in the blood? Something I have no desire to feel run from my body today.

_He's stalking the shadows to get closer._

I'm keeping out of the light. He doesn't like it, but he's forgetting it. He's questioning his faith, and his purpose. Why remain with Noxus? Do you get visitors? Aren't you lonely? He's growing weary. Maybe his faith is breaking. No. No he's regaining his sense of purpose. He wants to kill Garen, and that is his only goal in this.. excuse of a life he now lives. The warrior he once was, has become a machine of death and destruction. Loyalty? I only see a blind follower. The veil of deception is thick over his gaze, and inhaled deep into his lungs. He's too lost to pull away.

_If you help him, you might learn the truth._

Who really attacked our ship that day? Was it Noxus? Was it an accident? Everyone died. Everyone, including my parents. All my friends, and all the crewmen. They all died. I survived. I barely survived. Why didn't I die with them?

_ Is this the time to be questioning yourself?_

_ Losing sight of your goals._

_ This is not your purpose here._

He grabbed me! I had no choice. It just came out and he saw –

He – he dropped me? Why did he move away from me? Am I so repulsive as this.. this beast? That this monstrosity would recoil from me in shock? I – I really am a monster, aren't I? I'll never live a normal life. I'll never have a family, and children.. I'll be the last of my lineage. A sky pirate without the sky is nothing more than a petty thief trying to survive the land.

_ There is no shame._

_ It's in your blood to do this._

_ Don't fight it, Mai._

Wait.. He's agreed? But the pain – oh gods, the searing pain. What's happening to me? Why – why did it transfer? Oh gods… I should have fled when I had the chance. Forgive me, Garen.


	4. Journal Entry 4

Wait.. WAIT. Did he just _kick_ me? Did Garen just ram his foot into my stomach to shove me aside when Urgot challenged him?! Did this JUST HAPPEN? What the FUCK is this shit? Here I am, beaten up, bloody and he KICKS me!? What a jerk! Screw this. Urge to kill – rising! I cannot even begin to tell you how pissed off this makes me.

_This rage, I feel it burning._

_ Festering, gloriously delicious in its hatred!_

Just when I thought I'd been freed from further enduring needless pain, I get kicked by a man who's supposed to be protecting innocent people. Not kicked them like a corpse! And why would he disrespect the death of a civilian with such.. deliberate lack of giving a shit? If I wasn't so hurt, I'd climbed to my fight and slapped him! YES! SLAP! Right in the gods fore-fucking-saken FACE!

_I could come out._

_ I could rip into him, and tear him apart._

_ Nobody would know except you and that monstrosity challenging him._

Okay, I need to calm down, and collect myself. I cannot begin to fathom why he would be so.. so.. URGH! Why did he do that?! My poor stomach. I want to punch him in his happy place so badly right now it makes me.. erk! Ugh..

I think I saw an angel. Suddenly this winged woman in gold armor appeared.. Kayle? That was her name? She was so gentle, and so fierce at the same time. I was utterly awe-struck by her. But I couldn't forget the rage I felt, or the pain that coursed through me. My eyes followed after Garen as he just left me there..

_Why am I waning?_

_ I feel as if suddenly the pain is fading_

She started to heal me. I'm not sure how, but my wounds began to mend. She was quick to sweep me up despite my protests following, and took me away to someplace she could talk to me. I don't know what to think. This is all very confusing.. Urgot… you bastard.. You'll pay for this.


	5. Journal Entry 5

It's morning.. I'm alive. The wind feels chilled for some reason. I think a storm may be coming in. It doesn't matter, I'm not cold. This gives me a little time to reflect, having no real purpose for today. I forgot to mention a young man I met. His name was Ezreal. Blonde, goggles, the type I'd expect to see on a ship like the one my parents had. Except, his clothes didn't quite work for our old scene. It didn't matter much!

_Will he judge me?_

_ Will he see the monster?_

I managed to change back before practically crash-landing onto his balcony. He didn't take lightly to me showing up that way, but at least he didn't see _that _side of me. Unfortunately, even the normal me was suddenly faced with a rather large arm cannon aimed at my person. Not exactly the greeting I had imagined! It was scary! I foolishly announced he was cute, which made him act even more strange.

_Silly Mai_

_ You try too hard_

I swear I wasn't hitting on him. The rumors were true, that's all! Someone was commenting on his skills with magic, and how he was a bit of a girly-boy (whatever that means? He doesn't look anything like a girl..) This woman named Sona had come in after he relaxed a little. She invited us to a party! I haven't been to one since…

… _since my family died._

But.. he can get me an airship. My OWN airship – with his help. But still my own airship! That he owns half of. Okay this deal sorta sucks, but I have a ship now! I told Wukong I'd take him up to the clouds. I have to keep that promise. Right? RIGHT!? He's going to let me fly it to Sona's party! Whee! I'm not complaining!

_Drastic flyers dive_

_ Crazy flyers die._

He didn't handle the flying very well. I think I'm a little rusty. Oops! At least the party was fun.. until this creepy guy started picking on a poor little yordle. What a jerk! Ezreal stepped in to help, too. I think his name was.. Vladamar.. Vladisker… Vlad-something. Some giant guy stepped between us and started acting like I was inferior to him. Another jerk! Whatever, Ez was there with me. And Sona. I don't think they would have tried anything stupid. Nevermind.. that Vlad guy kinda did anyway with picking on a yordle.

_Idiot_


	6. Journal Entry 6

Today? I take my revenge on Urgot for what he did to me. Today, I wreak havoc on his chambers and make them smell like the vilest things I can find on my trip over there. Today, I make him suffer for outing me to Kayle. Oh yes, Urgot, you son of a bitch, I will have my sweet revenge. You make a deal with me? And out me? You'll pay for that.

_Yes. YES! PAYBACK!_

_ DESTROY THE MONSTER! YES!_

I'm walking, it's getting cold. Noxus is even chillier then it normally is. Whatever, it was winter which meant finding the parts a bit trickier. I did well with amphibians, and fish. Even found a few rotting animals along the way. Juicy ones. Perfect for what I had in mind. Everything was gathered into a bag, and carried all the way there. I feel like some jolly old fat man for some strange reason! My bag is pretty full, and I'm feeling particularly jolly right now! Oh well, it's kinda creepy that comes to mind. Whatever though.. I think.. I think the snow is getting deeper.

_Oh how much I love to destroy things_

_ Somehow it's impossible to resist!_

Oh good, he's not home. I'll just sneak in and wait.. Is that someone coming? Oh his Summoner. Teeheehee this'll be easy. Sneak around the shadows, and WHAM! He's out! I brought rope, too. Tie him up from the ceiling and hang him in the middle of the room for Urgot to find him. Oh look, liquids! Oopsie, I think I broke something. Look at that strange looking object. Oops! Broke that too! Oh my, I seem to have spilled my bag of stuff. What a mess! Hehehe. Maybe I should set fire – naw. I better not. I don't want to kill the idiot Summoner.

_It'd be so fun!_

_ Just end his life._

I should go. Think I've had enough fun for now. Ooor not! I see some things I can take back with me. Sell these goods to put towards the ship. Mmhmm!

_Revenge is sweetest_

_ When served in smelly extracts_

Oh crap.. What the hell is that? I made it halfway back, and suddenly this giant blue man came up and grabbed me. He was slow.. Mundo.. He said Mundo this and Mundo that. Eee! IS HE TAKING ME BACK TO URGOT!? NO! NO NO NO! Not good, not good! Oh shit shit shit I'm gonna be in so much trouble!

_I told you this would happen_

_ Now you're going to die!_

_ Change and fly away!_

I – I can't. This guy.. He's so strong. I can barely wiggle in his grip. What the.. what the hell is he? Oh shit, I see Urgot's house. Oh shit, shit shit I'm – Oh gods.. I'm so screwed! Wow.. okay this place REALLY smells bad. Wow.. I sorta wish I hadn't use those toads now. Ugh.. My stomach is gurgling.. I feel like I might throw up. Oh gods, what did I just step in!? Grr he just got his goods back. This is definitely no good.

_See what happens?_

_ You should have burned the place._

_ The Summoner died anyway._

_ Good job, Mai._

Did.. did I really cause his death? He's dead! I killed him!? I didn't mean for him to die! OW! M-my head.. oh.. everything.. it's spinning.. oh gods.. not the head, not the OW.. ow…. Ugh.. can't.. can't see straight.. my arm.. I can't.. I can't use it.. I.. I have to get.. away… I see a window.. The door is blocked, I can't get out any other way. It has bars.. I can't break bars.. There's no other way to go. I have to try.

_The windows shatter_

_ Like your bones_

_ And your flesh_

One bar is loose.. I slammed into it and it snapped off. I got away! FREEDOM! OH GODS THE PAIN! Okay, just.. make it.. Just make it back and – what just hit me? Ow.. ow.. my wing! I.. I'm losing altitude. I'm starting to drop.. That Mundo guy is down there, watching me.. I'm falling… paper crane.. save me..

_Now is not the time to panic_

_ Everything has gone numb_

_ I can't stay airborn anymore.._

I hit a tree. I can't hardly move.. the snow is falling, blanketing me. I hear footsteps. It must be Urgot. I'm going to die out here.. No.. what's.. Geokhan? He got my message. I'm saved! Oh shit, it's Urgot. Geokhan is trying to protect me. He can't! He's no match for Urgot! What if Mundo comes around again? I have to send another.. I hope he receives it in time.. I pray.. we survive this..

_Praying to a monkey king?_

_ Somewhat stupid, aren't you?_

_ He won't come_

_ He doesn't care about you.._

That's a lie! Of course he does! He's my friend! I just.. have to wait.. I can stand.. Can't I? No.. barely.. my whole body is numb. I can barely feel what I'm doing. The paper crane is gone, it flew away. I hope he gets it.. tick.. tick.. It feels like time is moving so slow. But the fight is going so fast. Geokhan is already getting hurt. I have to survive.. I promised him I'd take him flying.. I can't… die..

_Slipping away into the unknown_

_ Is a truly terrifying thing_

_ Leaving him beyond_

_ You couldn't rest.. even in death._

Wait.. a sound.. it's faint.. it's growing louder.. it's drawing closer.. I can.. almost make it out.. one.. it's.. it's him? Two.. Another? Three.. How… who's the.. Four.. It's really him! Five.. You came.. You came, Wukong.. Why is my heart racing? I can hear it in my ears. A ringing. My body is gaining sensation back, and I can hardly stand. But he came. He came to save me. He really _does _care about me! Why.. do I feel this way? Why is my stomach in knots? I should be more worried about dying.. Not that him came.. Suddenly, I see a light surrounding us. What is this? A man is rushing in. I have to change! I have to – it's.. suddenly dark.. I can't feel anything.. or see anything… I'm alone again.. I'm… unconscious.


	7. Journal Entry 7

Okay… not touching what happened at the hospital. But I've made a decision. I'm sick of being targeted by these jack-holes. I'm going to seek out Yi, and get trained. I managed to find him hidden away, doing his meditation. It was nerve wrecking to meet him since he _did_ train Wukong. I want to be as nimble and quick as he is. I admire him. It can't be helped.

_You're smitten._

_ Stop lying to yourself._

Ugh. I'm not sure how much I trust him, but if Wukong trusts him then I'll put my faith in Master Yi. He seems nice. Wow. No, he's _really_ nice! I need to find more people like this. First? Focus? Really? I guess it makes sense. Wukong never seems focused though. He's so hyper-bouncy it's hard to follow what he's doing sometimes. Ugh.. And dense. That monkey is dense as hell. Why did I let myself get so wound up over him? I'm stupid.. stupid stupid stupid.. Okay.. Back to Yi. I spent a lot of time learning this focus.. Went back to the ship, and stood on the very tippy top of the front. The Jibboom to be exact. It's just stable enough to stand on with one foot with a bit of sway from the wind, but not enough to make it impossible to balance. It's the perfect spot! I wonder what Ezreal thought if he's seen me there. Oh well!

_This is silly._

_ This isn't real._

_ He's going to hurt you, too!_

I want to believe he won't. I'm tired of not trusting anyone. It's going to be difficult to at first, but Wukong, and Ezreal and Yi truly seem to care. Same with Kayle. Sona is nice, but I'm not sure how I feel about her. I don't have much to write about.. This meditation stuff is eating up my time like nobody's business! Maybe.. ah I'll head into some places on the Ionia Island. There must be a major market somewhere I can sit and meditate with all the distractions.


	8. Journal Entry 8

So this is just a random entry. Not sure if this will actually happen or not.

* * *

What had happened? Orange clouds.. Orange.. that face.. That terrifying face… I felt myself holding tightly to Tim, I felt him leave my grip..

_No, don't die!_

_ The tides are shifting_

I tried.. I couldn't.. Gods I tried. How did I let go? Wait.. I see an emergency room. They're getting to Tim. I can feel the blade in my mouth, choking me, his hand gripped to my throat. I'm his now… aren't I? Am I going to die? I want to cry, but I can't. I can't seem to. He's safe.. Is this how I should feel? Happy? No.. This isn't joy. It's fear.

The orange clouds again. A mist foreboding. I can see my end as he begins to torture me. I didn't have a chance against this creature. Every cut, every laugh, every taunt makes me squirm. I can feel my consciousness flickering in and out as I scream. Those screams.. My throat.. is killing me.. No, he's cutting me again! I can't run. There's nowhere to hide. This is my demon. I feel something inside me awakening.. What… what is this? My wings.. They're coming out? NO! Not here! I can't change here—

_This is my sweetest freedom_

_Ecstasy in pain_

_That life you once lead_

_Has died in the rain_

_You're forever lost girl_

_Left to starve in your tears_

_Never return to the surface_

_I am the haunting_

_The haunted_

_The new hunter reborn_

I feel.. bloody.. Something is running down my back. My body aches like nothing I'd ever felt before. My eyes have dried from so much crying. My throat is raw from screaming. I feel myself… entering darkness.. It's only the beginning, isn't it? What day is it? I can't remember.. What was his name? Who are these faces? Are they… laughing?

I can see something.. Nubs.. Where.. where are my wings? I see them.. They're.. torn apart.. hacked off.. ripped to pieces and scatted about. I can see my blood, my body, I'm so.. broken.. Is this my fate? It's.. it's so empty.. I can't feel anything anymore. Every part of me is screaming, but I can't move. Chunks of skin are peppered about, he's been cutting on me for hours.. I can't change back.. it'll kill me.. Everyone is laughing. They're pointing their fingers in fear. I can't turn away as the darkness begins to overwhelm me. My screams are fading, my flesh is torn apart.. I think.. I see bones.. Are those.. mine?

It's too much to handle.. I see my heart beating, I feel it as if in my grip. It's slowing.. it's starting to fail.. I can feel death embracing me.. It's.. so cold..

Papa..


End file.
